u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
