I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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