it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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