it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
