Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh god it's open bar.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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