I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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