I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
