No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
