I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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