O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
