ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
why is half of my head shaved?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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