Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
