I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
