i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
