she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
