So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
