What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
