I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
