you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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