Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
