I have demons in me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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