I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
