I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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