Pappa wants mamma naked
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.