My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back