woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You may now shotgun with the bride
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?