guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions