I think my vagina is haunted
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.