i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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