The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
