i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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