just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
