I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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