Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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