I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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