Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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