I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
