WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
