You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
