i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
