When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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