Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
