I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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