god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize