John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
