I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
