it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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