We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
