Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
