so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
