So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
