Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
