my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
