At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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