I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Your penis caused this!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
