we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
