I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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