This girl is more easily done than said...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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