I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
