I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
