Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
