Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
