You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
