big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
