She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
