I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
