i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Farmville is her only friend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
