I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
