I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
