i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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