this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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