I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
