He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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