Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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