Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
