1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
