i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
